Bollywood Dreams (4)

Looking out, reflecting on the early morning Sinai sea, I think about all the things I want to write. My greatest inspiration comes from being in a new or different place, and sitting alone in silent contemplation. I enter the world of fantasy, and return to India. I wish I could live as a writer of travel stories. This is my genre, describing places topographically, anthropologically, geo-politically, culturally, emotionally; interesting encounters with locals, lessons learned. My father fancies himself a writer. I reckon he’s just a rambling old man with a computer. The underlying fear is to end up like him. And yet, there is some foundation to the assumption that people actually enjoy reading my work. I am not him. I am me. I remember the fortune-teller on the sidewalk in Chennai, who told me, without any prompting, that I would be a writer. I don’t think he meant of software manuals.

I could go back to India, and arrange an adventure worthy of a book. I would go to Mumbai. I’d find lodging somewhere stylish, like in Colaba. I would enrol in dance and Hindi lessons. I would get an agent. I would be a bit-actor and dancer in Bollywood movies! And I could tell of lessons, and auditions, and actors and dancers, all from the inside track, but from my own unique perspective. Certainly there is lively theatre in Mumbai, which I could reveal to my audience. And movie reviews.

Do not make the mistake of thinking all Indian movies are schlock. To be sure, many are pretty bad, just as most of what comes out of Hollywood destined for the masses is pretty dim, too. However, the movies with the biggest budgets, destined for the widest possible audience, can often be brilliant works of cinematic art. Movies in India are an engine of social change. They present very progressive ideas to a society steeped in and bound by tradition. There is naturally a certain amount of cultural resistance to many of these messages, on the part of rural and religious populations. Therefore, it is essential that the message be conveyed in a very sophisticated way. There is always an elder representing tradition, who at the end, is shown the errors of his rigid ways. Sometimes even villains are redeemed at the end, instead of being killed, like in American movies. And all social castes are represented, each speaking to their respective compatriots in the audience. This multi-level dialog is one of the most fascinating and intriguing devices in Indian cinema. And of course there is the music and dancing. The actors are accomplished professionals, and often the choreography is excellent. And within all this, are the cultural elements that are uniquely Indian, which require a bit of background knowledge to appreciate. Any medium that can convey a message and equally entertain all, from the professor to the illiterate peasant, is a remarkable work.

India, of course, is a symbol. For me, it represents the id, the emotions, and a sense of freedom. It is the address of a desire to sometimes escape from a high-pressured job, and a country with an uncertain political future. And yet this cerebral combat between the rational and emotional has been played out, over and over for years. In my case, the emotional has usually won, often with disastrous consequences. But in retrospect, I wonder if terming them disastrous is being unfair to myself. As a result of my adventurousness, I have acquired languages, skills and knowledge that have all contributed to my present success, relative as it may be. On the one hand, to throw it all away for another adventure seems foolish. On the other, with the anticipated growing pains, it could also lift me to a higher plane. Since there is no real way of knowing the outcome without actually doing it, the debate continues, and the rational side carries the day.

You see, coming Israel was the ultimate victory my rational side. Kibbutz offered the quintessential concept of stability, after many years of roller-coaster adventures. It was not chosen by accident. Later, I was able to capitalize on my background in a country that appreciates things cosmopolitan like no other. I have prospered in every way.

At the same time, it has been nearly five years now, four in the same apartment in the same city. This is by far an all-time record, since the age of eighteen. My true nature is poles apart. The gulf remains unbridged.